i met him for lunch today...

it was weird...

it seemed like nothing had changed yet i knew everything had...

i had the impulse to run over, hug him and hold his hand...
but i knew i couldn't...

i wanted to be as carefree as i was whenever i was with him..
but i couldn't...

i wanted to say i missed him so much...
but i couldn't...

sometimes i tink i'm so silly... y brood over someone who gave up this relationship himself? not like i've not been hurt enough... y go ask for more? y hurt myself further?

yet i still miss him...

i miss his hand holding mine... walking with me... laughing with me...

i miss being me too...

i feel tt nowadays, i control myself too much.. to appear ok, to appear happy, to appear unaffected...

it's not me...

i want to be truly happy.. to smile genuinely... to love freely...

i wish...